Buying In

i feel like i'm in the twilight zone. i'm not sure who i am or what i'm supposed to be doing, thinking, feeling...our work defines us so thoroughly that without the job i bought into lock, stock, and barrel i feel worthless.

i intend to take the time now, before i start another job, to clean my house, organize my closet, trim my trees...i had gotten so wrapped up in the job that everything else took a subordinate position in my life.

to have so thoroughly invested myself in a job i ultimately failed at is hard to deal with. i want to "do" something, but i know that doing is not what would be best right now. the best thing i can do is to try to process and understand what part of me made the job undoable (i know the part of the job that made it undoable, but i also have some responsibility in the demise of this path).

think i'll go out to the lake and walk around for awhile...